“Reality is always your friend. The reason is almost a truism: everything else is a fantasy. So, for us to get real results in the real world, we must be in touch with what is, not what we wish things were or think things should be or are led by others to believe they are. The only thing that is going to be real in the end is what is.” Dr. Henry Cloud from Integrity.
I begin this post with this quote from Dr. Henry Cloud, to remind us of the reality of this world and God’s hand in all things. One has to be honest with oneself and nod our heads in agreement, that we all look back over situations and judge the actions and reactions of the past. “Things would have been better if only…” or “If only I would have done that instead of…”! To the “if only”, I say, “if only frogs had wings, they would not bump their butts every time they hop!”
“If only” statements represent two things and neither are good.
First, it is self-demeaning when we say, “If only I had…”. When we speak those words, we could lead us to demean ourselves because of the decisions or actions we have made. Yes, they may have been bad choices and may come with unfortunate consequences, but to wish things were different is to miss out on the opportunity to learn from those decisions and to lean on God! In our self-righteousness, we may try to justify our poor choices. Self-righteousness often leads to showing us our shortfall and can make us feel incapable and defeated. And, to be honest, that is where self-justification will always lead you in the end.
What then? Are we Jews any better off? No, not at all. For we have already charged that all, both Jews and Greeks, are under sin, as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. Romans 3:9-11. Our righteousness comes not from what we have done, but from that which has been done for us through Jesus Christ. Yes, we can do righteous acts and live our lives in His righteousness, but when we rely on our self-righteousness we will eventually fall short and the result is “if only I…”
Second, we turn from trusting God in all situations when we say “if only”. What “if only” we would begin with prayer in all things? 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19 reminds us to; “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit.” Can you imagine if we bathed our daily walk in prayer? What would the outcome be if we prayed before every major decision?
How could it change our view of the outcome of each decision? To trust in God with all things is to remember HE is in control of all outcomes, no matter how they appear to us.
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28. We may not be able to see the good in a situation at a specific moment in time, but God does. He will take all situations and turn them to His good. There have been many times in which I did not see how good would come out of a situation. To me, it felt impossible! However, in the end, and at times much, much later, God gave me the view of what good did result. I (we) have just to trust He will eventually turn that which we thought bad into good, for His glory and honor.
So, the challenge is to live in the reality of the here and now. We can learn from our mistakes and turn to God to seek His (and to those we offended) forgiveness. Pray, lean and trust that God has you in the palm of His hand and has the power to change the bad into good, for He has said, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11